Since 2000, my sisters and I have been tuning in to the NBC soap "Passions" (which will soon no longer be on NBC, but I digress). At first, I was more focused on its main heroine, "Theresa." But lately, I've been paying attention to "Simone," who has been Harmony's resident lesbian since 2005.
Over the years, "Simone's" face has changed twice. I have grown very fond of her latest portrayer, Cathy Jeneen Doe. (Yes, I know what that sounds like, but that wasn't the way I meant it.) And eventually, she began showing up in my dreams.
Some of those dreams were sexual, some a bit tragic. But there is one that still sticks out in my mind today, more than a year later.
While watching "Simone's" story unfold on "Passions," I began fearing for some reason that somehow, some way, "Spike," the resident pimp, would rape "Simone" and get her pregnant. That is exactly what happened in a dream I had sometime around Christmas, back in 2005. As the dream began, "TC" and "Eve," "Simone's" parents, were sitting at home, in their kitchen, sometime in the morning. Then came a knock on the door. "TC" and "Eve" answered the door to see a six-month-pregnant "Simone." She was glowing, and dressed in brand-new maternity clothes.
"Simone" proceeded to tell her parents her story of how "Spike" had abducted her, raped her, gotten her pregnant, and had been forcing her to turn tricks for him during the past six months before she finally escaped. (I guess "Spike" was telling potential johns that she had the "fertility goddess" thing going on?) She assured her parents that despite all this, she was okay, and everything would be fine.
This dream deeply disturbed me, but I knew that there was a message behind this--a message about my life situation.
See, I have for a long time been afraid that someone or something would get in the way of my life plans and devastate me to the point where my life would be beyond repair. I even have gone so far as to wonder if a situation like the one I dreamt that "Simone" was in would become my situation.
I thought hard about the dream's main elements, and it came to me. The dream was letting me know that no matter what happened, everything would be all right. Despite "Simone's" horrible ordeal with "Spike," she showed no signs or distress or trauma. And she was wearing new clothes, whereas in real life, if a woman had been held captive for six months, she'd have likely escaped in rags or even naked. This was more than enough to let me know that this was a message about overcoming my fears, rather than just a simple anxiety dream about the show "Passions." My subconscious mind was just using Cathy Doe and her character to represent me and to express my fears about my own life.
I still have a lot of anxiety about where my life is headed. But I'm trying to deal with it, one day at a time. I know my life can't really be as bad as it seems.
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