Usually, whenever there was a certain guy that I had a crush on or obsessed over, I would have a vivid string of dreams about him. The dreams would be about anything--kissing, flirting, sex, marriage, babies, murder, even politics and current events. In one recent dream, I was standing in the front office lobby of my high school with my former crush--the same guy who was murdered in my mansion dream. But we were not back in high school; it was present day, and of all things, we were discussing the Iraq War!
The thing about these guys I liked was that none of them liked me back and, for the most part, avoided me like the plague. But then again I was in middle school and high school at these times; we were all kids, and as everyone knows, kids can be cruel...
Well, at 26, I find myself, once again, infatuated with someone--this time, it's a guy in my afternoon class. But what's different about this time around, besides our age and maturity level--he's 27, by the way--is that we have actually communicated with one another, on more than one occasion. I've also flirted with him a bit. (In the past, I had never had the courage to communicate or flirt with anyone, and instead, I would send intrusive little notes, thinking that this was the only way I could get anyone to speak to me.)
What's also different about this time around is that I have not had one dream about my colleague yet--no, wait, I take that back. I've had one dream about him, in which I kissed him and he pushed me away. Other than that, I've had none about him that I can remember.
I believe it's because I've actually talked to this man, rather than obsessing about him and sending creepy notes. Back in middle and high school, I had a desire to talk to the guys I was into, but was afraid to because of the rejection I was already experiencing, so it showed up in my dreams. More than anything, I just wanted communication, and to be accepted by these guys. And I got neither.
But my current situation seems to be working in my favor; the guy I'm talking to is a pretty nice guy and surprisingly easy to talk to--this is coming from someone who doesn't warm up to people very easily--and he seems to accept my company. Even if the two of us never hook up, chances are that I'll still have a friend, or at the very least, a good acquaintance.
I'm actually kind of pleased that I'm not having any dreams about this man. Less mental clutter for me to deal with... :p
