Yes, this was 13 years ago.
I was 12 and had been writing about my dreams for about a year. But that's all I did--write about the dreams. I had never even given any thought to the interpretations of them.
It was my parents whom I had consulted about a dream I had one day after dozing off in my room. In this dream, I was quite pregnant--I'd say about five months or so--and I didn't know the father. I remember that the dream had a very melancholy setting, and featured me walking along a wood fence, wondering what to do about the baby.
Lately, I've been looking back on some of my old dreams. This was one of the dreams that interested me most.
It is said that when a woman or girl dreams about being pregnant, it symbolizes the coming of a new gift, potential, or purpose; it hardly has anything to do with an actual baby.
I have had several pregnancy dreams since then, all of them much happier than the first.
My guess is that I was examining something new about myself and wasn't sure what to do with it. I did suffer from self-esteem issues all through adolescence, and so I was unsure about a lot of things.
Of course, as I grew older, that outlook changed, and the dream elements changed with them. Even though I am still trying to find myself as an adult, I am more sure of what I want and need than I was before, when all I was concerned about was others' opinions of me. I know that there a lot of things about me that still have yet to be discovered, and I really want to work on bringing them out into the open and using them.
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
Monday, March 05, 2007
The Message Dream Featuring a Star of "Passions" (2005)
Since 2000, my sisters and I have been tuning in to the NBC soap "Passions" (which will soon no longer be on NBC, but I digress). At first, I was more focused on its main heroine, "Theresa." But lately, I've been paying attention to "Simone," who has been Harmony's resident lesbian since 2005.
Over the years, "Simone's" face has changed twice. I have grown very fond of her latest portrayer, Cathy Jeneen Doe. (Yes, I know what that sounds like, but that wasn't the way I meant it.) And eventually, she began showing up in my dreams.
Some of those dreams were sexual, some a bit tragic. But there is one that still sticks out in my mind today, more than a year later.
While watching "Simone's" story unfold on "Passions," I began fearing for some reason that somehow, some way, "Spike," the resident pimp, would rape "Simone" and get her pregnant. That is exactly what happened in a dream I had sometime around Christmas, back in 2005. As the dream began, "TC" and "Eve," "Simone's" parents, were sitting at home, in their kitchen, sometime in the morning. Then came a knock on the door. "TC" and "Eve" answered the door to see a six-month-pregnant "Simone." She was glowing, and dressed in brand-new maternity clothes.
"Simone" proceeded to tell her parents her story of how "Spike" had abducted her, raped her, gotten her pregnant, and had been forcing her to turn tricks for him during the past six months before she finally escaped. (I guess "Spike" was telling potential johns that she had the "fertility goddess" thing going on?) She assured her parents that despite all this, she was okay, and everything would be fine.
This dream deeply disturbed me, but I knew that there was a message behind this--a message about my life situation.
See, I have for a long time been afraid that someone or something would get in the way of my life plans and devastate me to the point where my life would be beyond repair. I even have gone so far as to wonder if a situation like the one I dreamt that "Simone" was in would become my situation.
I thought hard about the dream's main elements, and it came to me. The dream was letting me know that no matter what happened, everything would be all right. Despite "Simone's" horrible ordeal with "Spike," she showed no signs or distress or trauma. And she was wearing new clothes, whereas in real life, if a woman had been held captive for six months, she'd have likely escaped in rags or even naked. This was more than enough to let me know that this was a message about overcoming my fears, rather than just a simple anxiety dream about the show "Passions." My subconscious mind was just using Cathy Doe and her character to represent me and to express my fears about my own life.
I still have a lot of anxiety about where my life is headed. But I'm trying to deal with it, one day at a time. I know my life can't really be as bad as it seems.
Over the years, "Simone's" face has changed twice. I have grown very fond of her latest portrayer, Cathy Jeneen Doe. (Yes, I know what that sounds like, but that wasn't the way I meant it.) And eventually, she began showing up in my dreams.
Some of those dreams were sexual, some a bit tragic. But there is one that still sticks out in my mind today, more than a year later.
While watching "Simone's" story unfold on "Passions," I began fearing for some reason that somehow, some way, "Spike," the resident pimp, would rape "Simone" and get her pregnant. That is exactly what happened in a dream I had sometime around Christmas, back in 2005. As the dream began, "TC" and "Eve," "Simone's" parents, were sitting at home, in their kitchen, sometime in the morning. Then came a knock on the door. "TC" and "Eve" answered the door to see a six-month-pregnant "Simone." She was glowing, and dressed in brand-new maternity clothes.
"Simone" proceeded to tell her parents her story of how "Spike" had abducted her, raped her, gotten her pregnant, and had been forcing her to turn tricks for him during the past six months before she finally escaped. (I guess "Spike" was telling potential johns that she had the "fertility goddess" thing going on?) She assured her parents that despite all this, she was okay, and everything would be fine.
This dream deeply disturbed me, but I knew that there was a message behind this--a message about my life situation.
See, I have for a long time been afraid that someone or something would get in the way of my life plans and devastate me to the point where my life would be beyond repair. I even have gone so far as to wonder if a situation like the one I dreamt that "Simone" was in would become my situation.
I thought hard about the dream's main elements, and it came to me. The dream was letting me know that no matter what happened, everything would be all right. Despite "Simone's" horrible ordeal with "Spike," she showed no signs or distress or trauma. And she was wearing new clothes, whereas in real life, if a woman had been held captive for six months, she'd have likely escaped in rags or even naked. This was more than enough to let me know that this was a message about overcoming my fears, rather than just a simple anxiety dream about the show "Passions." My subconscious mind was just using Cathy Doe and her character to represent me and to express my fears about my own life.
I still have a lot of anxiety about where my life is headed. But I'm trying to deal with it, one day at a time. I know my life can't really be as bad as it seems.
Sunday, March 04, 2007
The Mansion Dream (1999)
I believe I had this dream exactly eight years before the dream about the town in Maryland (yes, I remember the exact date).
Before I share this dream with you, I'll give you a little backstory: I was 17 and a junior in high school at the time. I had a terrible time in high school, and was treated pretty much like an outcast. Many of my problems centered around a guy whom I like very much but who showed no interest in me whatsoever.
The dream began with me and a lot of my high-school classmates in an huge, spooky mansion. We were all adults in the dream, and some of us were married.
We were greeted by an elderly hostess with a British accent, whom I believe informed us that we were all to die at a certain time. Then she let us go our separate ways throughout the mansion.
The free time she allotted us did not go without the shedding of blood, as the hostess went around the mansion and began taking people's lives, one-by-one. I never saw exactly who she killed, but I knew it was a lot of people, all of whom I knew well.
Eventually, everyone was called back to the main den area, and the hostess announced that our death was near. She said she would allow us each to have one sexual experience before we died--or as she so bluntly put it, "one fuck before you die." Everyone complied and had their final sexual experience.
Finally, the time came for us to die, and she had intended to kill us off single-handedly. As her first victim, she chose my at-the-time object of desire. She took out a dagger and proceeded to attack him. I intervened and tried to stop her, but I was too late; she had killed him with a single stab wound to the heart.
Just as she had stabbed him, I spotted another dagger on the floor, picked it up, and moved in on the hostess, killing her as she had killed my crush. As I watched her die, the dream ended.
To this day, it is unclear to me what this dream's overall message is. But I have still managed to interpret a few principal elements.
Seeing as I was the only one in the dream who could stop the killer hostess, I concluded that the hostess represented me--a negative aspect of myself that had to be "killed" in order for me to grow and mature. And this negative aspect was affecting not only me but also many others around me, as suggested by the multiple killings. And perhaps the victims whose faces I didn't see were people who probably would have lent me a helping hand at the time, but who had distanced themselves after encountering this ugly side of me. The only victim whose face I had seen, my crush, was the one affected most of all.
This dream has all the makings of an informational dream, judging from what I could interpret, especially my own actions in the dream. I believe that my killing the hostess was a message to me telling me what I needed to do if I wanted things to improve in my life, socially and emotionally as well as spiritually.
Unfortunately, I did not listen, and high school continued to get worse for me. But I am listening now, eight years later, as a 25-year-old woman. That "madwoman" is still alive and well inside me, as strong as she ever was, attacking at a different front. She hasn't "killed" anyone yet, thank God. And I am taking steps to make sure that never happens.
Before I share this dream with you, I'll give you a little backstory: I was 17 and a junior in high school at the time. I had a terrible time in high school, and was treated pretty much like an outcast. Many of my problems centered around a guy whom I like very much but who showed no interest in me whatsoever.
The dream began with me and a lot of my high-school classmates in an huge, spooky mansion. We were all adults in the dream, and some of us were married.
We were greeted by an elderly hostess with a British accent, whom I believe informed us that we were all to die at a certain time. Then she let us go our separate ways throughout the mansion.
The free time she allotted us did not go without the shedding of blood, as the hostess went around the mansion and began taking people's lives, one-by-one. I never saw exactly who she killed, but I knew it was a lot of people, all of whom I knew well.
Eventually, everyone was called back to the main den area, and the hostess announced that our death was near. She said she would allow us each to have one sexual experience before we died--or as she so bluntly put it, "one fuck before you die." Everyone complied and had their final sexual experience.
Finally, the time came for us to die, and she had intended to kill us off single-handedly. As her first victim, she chose my at-the-time object of desire. She took out a dagger and proceeded to attack him. I intervened and tried to stop her, but I was too late; she had killed him with a single stab wound to the heart.
Just as she had stabbed him, I spotted another dagger on the floor, picked it up, and moved in on the hostess, killing her as she had killed my crush. As I watched her die, the dream ended.
To this day, it is unclear to me what this dream's overall message is. But I have still managed to interpret a few principal elements.
Seeing as I was the only one in the dream who could stop the killer hostess, I concluded that the hostess represented me--a negative aspect of myself that had to be "killed" in order for me to grow and mature. And this negative aspect was affecting not only me but also many others around me, as suggested by the multiple killings. And perhaps the victims whose faces I didn't see were people who probably would have lent me a helping hand at the time, but who had distanced themselves after encountering this ugly side of me. The only victim whose face I had seen, my crush, was the one affected most of all.
This dream has all the makings of an informational dream, judging from what I could interpret, especially my own actions in the dream. I believe that my killing the hostess was a message to me telling me what I needed to do if I wanted things to improve in my life, socially and emotionally as well as spiritually.
Unfortunately, I did not listen, and high school continued to get worse for me. But I am listening now, eight years later, as a 25-year-old woman. That "madwoman" is still alive and well inside me, as strong as she ever was, attacking at a different front. She hasn't "killed" anyone yet, thank God. And I am taking steps to make sure that never happens.
Saturday, March 03, 2007
A strange dream about that town in Maryland.
This dream happened on February 19. The entire dream was about a trip I took to the same Maryland town that Angelo would have come from had he existed.
It started with me in my hotel room, where I was watching a news report on the town's local station. I don't remember what the report was about, but I sensed that it had to do with my situation regarding this town. I also remember seeing an open pack of unused light bulbs sitting somewhere in my room.
Sometime in the dream, I remember standing in a high-school classroom, and the students' desks were positioned around me in a circle. Around the desks, hovering above the students' heads, was a series of odd, yet colorful sculptures, which appeared to be made of a plastic-like material.
A later scene placed me among a croud of young adults, no older than me, gathered in a main street somewhere in the town. Everyone, including me, was passing around cans of Coke and drinking them after each other.
While I was in this crowd of people, I began having thoughts about two people having come from this town to Louisville back in 2002: one of them was Angelo, and the other was a woman I had never seen before...or so it may seem.
Much of the dream included this mystery woman's memories, told from her point of view, but seen through my eyes. Among these memories was one of the hotel at which I was staying (and no, it did not involve sex). These memories were somewhat vague, but still stuck out in my mind.
I do believe that this dream is prophetic in some way. It does not have the characteristics of a dream that expresses a hidden desire or a fear. It happens in an unknown sequence, but the way everything is situated is still logical and realistic--a good characteristic of a prophetic dream.
I'll start with the significance of the unused light bulbs. Obviously, the bulbs represent unused ideas, and the open carton suggests to me that while these ideas have not been used, they are at least being taken into consideration.
It is still unclear what message the classroom sculpture sends. Maybe it was mind jargon that simply bled into a spot in the dream which might still have a significant meaning.
I'm guessing that the classroom represented something learned or taught, and me standing in the middle perhaps meant that I may have something to "teach" to someone. Then again, it could just as easily be the other way around.
The crowd of young people passing the Coke around seems to represent union and togetherness in some way, shape, or form--perhaps some type or synergy. But I'm still not sure of what the exact message is.
Now on to the most significant element in this dream--the unknown woman. At first glance, one might conclude that she is personally involved with Angelo, perhaps a spouse. But that's not what I'm getting at all. (Besides, if she were his wife, or even his girlfriend, then why would she have me viewing her memories?) I believe her to be the same thing I suspect that Angelo may be--a new, unexplored aspect of myself. Maybe she and Angelo represent some type of spiritual duality.
If both of them are just aspects of who I am, and they "traveled to Louisville" five years ago in search of me, then why the trip to the town from which they came? Perhaps it is for the purpose of further exploring these newfound aspects, along with the new potential that they may have brought with them. Or maybe this town might still have more to do with me than I believe it does.
I'm still trying to figure the ins and outs of this mystery. I know that something's there. For the past five years, this town in Maryland has taken up considerable thinking space in my brain. I refuse to believe that something that has gone on this long has absolutely no meaning at all. I'll keep praying and I'll keep pushing until I figure it out.
It started with me in my hotel room, where I was watching a news report on the town's local station. I don't remember what the report was about, but I sensed that it had to do with my situation regarding this town. I also remember seeing an open pack of unused light bulbs sitting somewhere in my room.
Sometime in the dream, I remember standing in a high-school classroom, and the students' desks were positioned around me in a circle. Around the desks, hovering above the students' heads, was a series of odd, yet colorful sculptures, which appeared to be made of a plastic-like material.
A later scene placed me among a croud of young adults, no older than me, gathered in a main street somewhere in the town. Everyone, including me, was passing around cans of Coke and drinking them after each other.
While I was in this crowd of people, I began having thoughts about two people having come from this town to Louisville back in 2002: one of them was Angelo, and the other was a woman I had never seen before...or so it may seem.
Much of the dream included this mystery woman's memories, told from her point of view, but seen through my eyes. Among these memories was one of the hotel at which I was staying (and no, it did not involve sex). These memories were somewhat vague, but still stuck out in my mind.
I do believe that this dream is prophetic in some way. It does not have the characteristics of a dream that expresses a hidden desire or a fear. It happens in an unknown sequence, but the way everything is situated is still logical and realistic--a good characteristic of a prophetic dream.
I'll start with the significance of the unused light bulbs. Obviously, the bulbs represent unused ideas, and the open carton suggests to me that while these ideas have not been used, they are at least being taken into consideration.
It is still unclear what message the classroom sculpture sends. Maybe it was mind jargon that simply bled into a spot in the dream which might still have a significant meaning.
I'm guessing that the classroom represented something learned or taught, and me standing in the middle perhaps meant that I may have something to "teach" to someone. Then again, it could just as easily be the other way around.
The crowd of young people passing the Coke around seems to represent union and togetherness in some way, shape, or form--perhaps some type or synergy. But I'm still not sure of what the exact message is.
Now on to the most significant element in this dream--the unknown woman. At first glance, one might conclude that she is personally involved with Angelo, perhaps a spouse. But that's not what I'm getting at all. (Besides, if she were his wife, or even his girlfriend, then why would she have me viewing her memories?) I believe her to be the same thing I suspect that Angelo may be--a new, unexplored aspect of myself. Maybe she and Angelo represent some type of spiritual duality.
If both of them are just aspects of who I am, and they "traveled to Louisville" five years ago in search of me, then why the trip to the town from which they came? Perhaps it is for the purpose of further exploring these newfound aspects, along with the new potential that they may have brought with them. Or maybe this town might still have more to do with me than I believe it does.
I'm still trying to figure the ins and outs of this mystery. I know that something's there. For the past five years, this town in Maryland has taken up considerable thinking space in my brain. I refuse to believe that something that has gone on this long has absolutely no meaning at all. I'll keep praying and I'll keep pushing until I figure it out.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)